FeelingGoodWithSofy

Hey everyone 🙂 in this mental-health blog post, I’ll talk about the need of pleasing others, some of my personal life stories related to this pattern of behaviour and some helpful tips along the way!❤️

Trigger warning: if you are going through a tough time, you are having mental-health problems, this article might be difficult for you to read. However, this article could be also helpful, offering some (personal) advice, motivation along the way 🙂 ❤️So it’s totally up to you, and to no one else!!❤️❤️

People pleasers

People pleasers are individuals who tend to neglect their own needs in an effort to satisfy those around them.

People-pleasing is a pattern of behaviours you may engage in to avoid criticism, embarrassment, and rejection.

The constant focus on pleasing others, can lead people pleasers to underestimate their own individual tastes, hobbies and life goals.

If you have people-pleasing behaviours, you might also have low self-esteem and an increased likelihood of experiencing other mental-health challenges such as anxiety and depression.

Traits of people pleasers

There are numerous personality traits related to people-pleasing individuals, here are some:

• Perfectionism
• Low self-esteem
• Anxious
• Difficulty in setting healthy boundaries
• Dependent
• Constantly apologizing

Some of the roots of people pleasers:

• Fear of rejection: People-pleasing is often rooted in a profound anxiety about losing the acceptance or affection of others. Past experiences like childhood trauma, harsh criticism, or insecure attachment, can lead to a fear of being disliked, which in turn drives the need to please.

• Low self-esteem: a weak sense of self-worth leads individuals to believe that their value is determined by how other people perceive them, driving them to seek constant validation.

• Expectations: expectations can come from various sources and they contribute to the pressure people feel to prioritize others needs.

Some sources of expectations: family, school expectations, relationships dynamics, internalized expectations of perfection.

Excessive people-pleasing can become detrimental to one’s wellbeing.

Consequences of excessive people-pleasing:

• Loss of self-identity
• Emotional and mental-health issues
• Hindered personal growth
• Damaged relationships

The good news is that this pattern of behaviours is treatable through help and support from professionals, family members…

My Story❤️

I’ve been a people pleaser for many years, especially when I went to middle and high-school.

Feeling too many expectations upon myself

I struggled a lot academically also due to my Specifc Learning Disorders, and at a certain point I noticed and felt more and more, in middle and high school, that certain professors were not satisfied with my school grades. Often, when they praised other schoolmates, and I got instead a lower grade, with no brava or another encouragement, I felt (really) bad inside and not enough.

In middle school I started to study too much just to get good enough grades, to please professors but also because I felt behind from my other classmates. Many times after school I just studied and studied not doing anything pleasant because I wanted to make sure not to fall behind from homework dealines, school tests. I wanted to do everything perfectly.

Poor mental-health

It was also during these times that my mental-health started to get really bad (also for other reasons).

I was really hard on myself, my self-esteem was so low and I would especially cry a lot at home.

I am very grateful that my parents had always supported me and told me over and over that I was doing enough. Also my previous therapist told me, especially during the first two years of high school, that my grades were good but I could not really take it.

I was comparing myself to other people of my age or a bit older and I apologized to my parents telling them I was sorry for not being as smart as them.

Some helpful tips along your journey

• Psychotherapy: even though it can seem really difficult to stop this negative pattern of behaviour there is external help. Please, do not get discouraged, with proper help you can slowly learn to be kinder and more loving towards yourself❤️❤️.
• Self-Love and self-acceptance: begin to accept yourself for the way you are, be gentle and not harsh towards yourself. Self-Love is a real journey but through help and small steps you can start to embrace your beautiful self❤️❤️.
• Prioritize your own needs and values: identify your priorities, what’s truly important to you? What are your goals? Make decisions based on these rather than solely what others want. Then schedule also time for you to relax, recharge and pursue also your interests!
• Set boundaries: communicate your limits to others and to yourself. Try to stick to it and avoid giving in to pressure or guilt trips. You can’t please people all the time. It’s a natural part of being a human being!

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