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While there is nothing wrong with a little encouragement from a person to another, it’s quite another thing to dismiss someone’s pain by telling them to look on the bright side or that everything is meant to be this way. I know this pattern intimately from my own experience with depression. When people don’t know what it’s like to live with this illness, it’s easy for them to say things like: “Cheer up! There is a whole world waiting for you! You look much better.” But instead of reassuring the individual, these words usually leave them feeling deeply misunderstood, only fueling their sadness and hopelessness.

The Meaning of This Pattern

At its core, this pattern involves ignoring what’s truly going on in someone’s life, and failing to validate their problems, acting as if they do not exist. This stands in stark contrast to healthy optimism, which means holding onto hope for the future while being aware of the present and the raw reality, giving people the time to honour their hardships rather than rushing through them. Toxic positivity, on the other hand, does the opposite: it doesn’t allow someone to process what they are going through, simply telling them they are fine. Instead, it forces a bright smile during hard times, masking genuine pain with mandatory optimism.

And finally, toxic positivity doesn’t just come from others: we end up practicing it ourselves. It denies what you’re truly feeling and that can be deeply painful. Instead of giving yourself permission to feel hurt and heal slowly, you tell yourself that falling apart is not an option and that you have to be fine. Whether it’s internal pressure or someone else trying to replace your suffering with false positivity, the result is the same—your real emotions are locked away.

When we ignore our true feelings, we end up suppressing them—but they do not disappear. Eventually, that bottled-up suffering manifests physically in the body, and the pain you ignore today can easily resurface much later in life. So, what can we do about it? ❤️

Acknowledge The Dark

The first step to breaking this vicious cycle is fully acknowledging the hardships in our lives; it’s about being truly honest with yourself and where you are right now. You might be surrounded by darkness, and even if it’s scary, let yourself process those difficult emotions—whether on your own or with the help of a professional. Emotions are like waves: they come and go. Instead of suppressing them, try to remain aware of them. You can’t simply get rid of your emotions, but you can slowly process them with time, which is especially vital if you have a mental health condition.

Shift Your Self-Talk

Once you stop showing your fake light and allow yourself to feel what you truly feel, begin to change how you talk to yourself, too. Don’t rush the process—give it time, and things will eventually take a turn. Most of all, try to be kind and gentle toward yourself by paying close attention to your inner dialogue. To heal, we have to replace forced optimism with mindful self-validation. Instead of saying: “I’m perfectly healed,” try to say, “I give myself permission to heal properly, however long it takes.” Instead of, “I should be positive and grateful,” try to say, “It’s okay if I’m feeling sad and unmotivated; this is also part of the journey.”

Practice Self-Compassion

Ultimately, finding freedom from the harsh expectations that bring toxic positivity is an act of self-compassion. It’s about tending to your own flame, listening to what you truly need, and also accepting the lows in your life journey. You so deserve to speak kindly to yourself and be genuinely honest about how you feel.

Build a Shield

Unfortunately, there will always be people who will dismiss your problems and give you that fake positive talk. Don’t let them! Be bold and set boundaries. If necessary, answer back calmly, like: “I know you want the best for me, but I’m still not fully recovered.” You win when you tell the truth, not by nodding and telling them they are right. I know this is difficult, but you can do it! ❤️

Last Words…

It’s time to wrap up this article. Toxic positivity is certainly a negative behaviour pattern which is not useful in the end; it’s toxic and unhealthy. Whether you’re dealing with your own forced optimism or facing toxic comments from others, you can overcome it—no matter how long it takes. You have every right to feel your feelings exactly as they are. Never let anyone tell you how you should feel! ❤️

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